Here We Go Again + Some

Thoughts on my career:

This past week has been so extremely busy. Another school year beginning, a new curriculum to learn, a new class to manage, and 29 new students to guide. The responsibility if my chosen profession weighs down heavily upon me. I have an unspoken obligation to those placed in my keeping to always do what is right while keeping their best interest in mind. This is an obligation that I do not and cannot take lightly. As a consequence I have spent countless hours pouring over best practice and up to date research so that I might morally perform my job to the best of my abilities. I often question if the sacrifice I force upon my family as a result of my career truly balances out in the scheme of "right" and "wrong." Am I taking care of one responsibility while neglecting my first and foremost obligation? This is a question most working mothers ask at one point or another. Such is the constant battle of balance in my life. Regardless, I cannot live my life in fear of failure. I can only be true to myself during each moment of each day. I have high hopes for this year. I wish myself luck on the journey that lies before me.

Thoughts on 1st grade and the tooth-fairy:

How is it possible for my eldest women to have entered into 1st grade this past week? How did she evolve from such a tiny baby into a beautiful little girl? Time keeps marching forward regardless of those it effects. My worries and concerns regarding her first week of school were for not. She beamed from ear to ear throughout the week. Her smile was pure excitement while being walked into the school building every morning and while sharing her new "big girl school day" experiences every evening. She..."loves her bento box" and feels "so special" having a home lunch every day! Recess "is fun, but the sun is so hot and there is no shade" and "would you believe there isn't a drinking fountain anywhere outside?" My "mommy comfort" and sense of peace comes from the air kisses that are blown to me through a 1st grade classroom window every day, at 11:25 on the dot, as I "sneakily" spy on my eldest daughter in her new learning environment. How lucky I am to spend my days in school with my daughter. How blessed I feel to sense her sweet spirit near me throughout the day. She gives me strength; I am proud to be her mother.

On a side note: Did I mention that my eldest lost her 3rd tooth the night before her first day of school? It was one of those big teeth, on top in the front. She will soon loose it's identical twin and will, with a little luck, maintain a "gappy" grin until December when she can appropriately lisp that "all she wants for Christmas is her two front teeth." What can I say, the proof is in the pudding, my tiny girl is becoming a true-blue "Little Woman."

Thoughts on pre-school:

Yikes, my eldest isn't the only one growing older, somehow the baby of our family is beginning her own schooling career. I am admittedly excited for her. And yes, I can honestly say that. Preschool is a special phase of life for our family. It is an opportunity for our girls to explore life outside of our home in an extremely sheltered and well monitored environment. I am happy to let my littlest women explore the world outside of our home while controlling the method in which she does so. I have strong positive feelings about the school that she will attend, and it doesn't hurt that her older sister began her educational career at the same school in the same classroom and with the same teacher. We have been talking about how wonderful pre-school is all summer, and our littlest women is excited to be a "bigger girl" at last! She knows that she will be given a snack, and will be read stories, she looks forward to painting, and potty breaks where she will get to use the potty "all by herself." Although she is a bit timid and a bit shy, she is excited and cannot wait to meet Mrs. B this coming Tuesday. I can reserve my sadness at her "bigger girl" status by sharing in her joy and excitement at joining the rest of the world by beginning "school." Oh how I love my women. I often find myself dreaming about my littlest one as I complete my "tasks" throughout the workday, but will find comfort knowing that when she is not with her "papa," adopted "aunt," or pretend "brother" she is learning about life in a loving and secure environment. What can I say? She is ready for this new adventure and as much as I would like to hold on to her infancy, I owe her the opportunity to learn and grow and become the independent little thing that she desperately wants to be.

"I do love you, E.... Lu, and know that this first year of pre-school will be a wonderful experience. I cannot wait to attend your little parent teacher conferences and I look forward to my 1st homemade Mothers Day gift from you. Yes, you, my precious little woman!

Here we go again, but at least my "Sexy Man" seems to be stable in his life adventures for the moment! The last thing we need in our household is 3 crazy women AND a crazy man too:)

Just A Little Note To Self

"Future self, please remember this precious moment. It will never be repeated in the exact same way that it occurred on this day."

Who: Eldest Little Woman
What: Running up the stairs
When: On a drowsy summer morning
Why: To share a new discover with her mother
Note: The sweet and innocent 6 year old voice moving ever closer and growing in pure joy and excitement while repeating the phrase "mommy, mommy."

What was her joy about?
I don't recall; her new discovery didn't strike me as important.

The important thing was her voice. A rare and beautiful moment occurred on this sun kissed dewy morning; for a few precious moments her voice gave me the gift of transparently embodying her soul in its entirety.

As it reached my ears, I froze mid-step and took a mental note to always remember the sound of her voice. To remember the vibrato and pitch of it happily echoing through the stairwell while she searched for her mother.

As she searched for me. You see...she loves me. She wanted to share her innocent joy with me. With me, her mother, the women that has always loved her and forever will.

Note: Every moment of every day must be cherished. All too soon my little girls will grow into beautiful women, never to be young again.

All The Little Moments

This summer has been crazy! (Crazy busy and filled with fun!) We are a family of traditions and a quarterly tradition that we love is our seasonal "bucket list." For every season we create a list of things that we would like to do. This summer has been no exception. Some of the things that we have checked off our list are . . .

•"Art City Days" and "Daddy's Parade"

•Hoover Dam

•Huntington Beach

•Albertson's Chocolate Chip Cookies
•Disneyland

•Calico Ghost Town
•Bonfire and Camping

•Stockton Jail

•Ophir Ghost Town

•Another batch of . . . Albertson's Chocolate Chip Cookies
•The Great Salt Lake

•Visiting With Cousins

•BBQ in the Park
•Provo's Freedom Festival
•4th of July at "This Is The Place"

•Wasatch Mountains and Mirror Lake

•Scottish Festival
•Park City Ghost Tours
•New Family Pet (A 1 lb. puppy named "Midge")
•Swimming, Swimming, and More Swimming

Some of the things remaining on our list for this summer are . . .

•Drive-In Movie
•Hike to Stewart Falls
•Timpanogos Caves
•Southern Utah
•Outdoor Theatre
•Grotto Falls
•Yellowstone

And of course, more swimming, picnics, and FAMILY time! Needless to say, we live for our "lists" and the memories we make while accomplishing them.

I Begin Again!

I am busy, busy, busy, and when I am not busy, busy, busy, I try to focus every second of my attention on the Little Women and their Dad; but . . . I know that I owe my Women some type of childhood (family) record. Hence, I begin again!

NOTE:
I regret that I have not recorded the past year of our lives, but look forward to making and noting our current lives and the new moments and memories that are to come.

A new beginning. . .

Should I say the end of a journey or a new beginning? Maybe a little of both. I am overwhelmed by so many feelings. Most importantly, I am excited for this new adventure I am about to embark upon. I am crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. This is the start of a new chapter in our lives. Wish me luck, here I go! One goal set, worked towards, and achieved.

Note To Self...

Have

"No Envy"

Have 

"No Fear"

Finished...

I am 

DONE! 

Feelings

An interesting story about Feelings.

For Christmas this last year both Little Women received new Dolls. This morning I asked my eldest daughter why she had named her dolly "Feelings?"  She smiled and replied. . . 

"Daddy told me to name her Feelings!  Isn't it the most beautiful name ever?"  

Needless to say I couldn't help but wonder why in the world, Daddy, had suggested that specific name. . . After speaking with Daddy I discovered the story behind the baby dolls new name.

Our first born child tends to be a bit emotional on occasion.  We have often told her when she has her feelings hurt that she should inform whomever has hurt her that they have done so. Well, apparently Daddy had hurt his eldest daughters feelings while she happened to be holding her new baby doll.  (He had informed her that she had to go to bed, regardless of whether or not she felt inclined.) As our Little Women sadly told daddy that she had hurt feelings, Daddy replied "is your dolly hurt?  You said you had hurt feelings, where did you hurt her?"

Our Eldest Little Women confusedly began getting ready for bed while she continued to ask daddy what he was talking about.  Daddy replied with "your dolly must be named feelings, because you were holding her and you said she was hurt."  

Hence, Eldest Little Women now has a dolly named "Feelings Rapunzel."  (Of course, the dolly is bald.)  At least she is a cute little thing. (As far as dolls go!)   

  

Merry Christmas 2009

Christmas has come and is now nearly gone. . . 

This has been a wonderful holiday filled with family and love.  

As a mother I have recently come to understand that Christmas with children is a precious experience.  For the innocence and wonderment of our children it should be tenderly approached, excitedly encountered and forever cherished.  This year our Little Women were finally old enough to participate in and enjoy our Holiday Traditions, these provided a wonderful backdrop for countless special moments, that as a family will be looked back on throughout the coming years.  

Christmas Eve in our home inspired a unique magic that we only encounter once every year. After pajamas were opened and stories were read, the girls were tucked into their beds.  They gently drifted off to sleep and into the anticipatory dreamworld that Christmas Eve tends to inspire in all little ones.   

On the morning of the Special Day the Little Women awoke full of excitement and joy.  They were sure that Mr. Claus had visited our home, because after all "Santa doesn't expect children to be perfect, pretty good is almost always good enough."  (Eldest Little Women-2009)

Due to the simple and basic faith of our children, Santa did indeed visit our home while we were dreaming.  He left personalized gifts specifically addressed to our Little Women. Needless to say, the girls were thrilled with their dolls, their strollers, and their very own table.  

Due to our break from school, we were able to enjoy an entire day spent together.  The girls wore their P.J.'s, they had no interest in dressing.  We played, we chatted, we laughed, we enjoyed one another.  We had a simple and beautiful Christmas.  A true "Jolly Holiday."

  

          

5 Years Ago Today. . .

5 Years ago today my miracle was born.  

December 23, 2004

An answer to my heartfelt prayers. 

Oh little one who almost ceased to be-  

Thank you for being my firstborn child. 

It was meant to be, for no other could take your place. 

Thank you for entering into my world.  

I was missing a piece of my heart 

and then you looked into my eyes and offered to share yours with me. 

Thank you for your loving spirit.

So often your sweet countenance has picked me up when I have fallen down.  

Thank you for being strong.

When I am weak you lend me strength.

Thank you for being my focus, my core, my center.

Your presence anchors my existence.

Thank you for your friendship. 

I am and will always be your mother. You are and will always be my friend.

Thank you for the hope that you inspire and the promise that you show. 

You are my past, my present, and my future!

You are my daughter,

You are my world!

Happy Birthday to My Sweet and Precious Girl.

You are and will always be my little one.

I love you forever,

Mommy

Freedom

Stop, Pause, and Breathe!

.

As Anne Frank would say "people are truly good at heart."  

We are all the same.  We all live our lives and our lives are remarkably similar.  We are all doing our best to be our best.  We all want to be loved and accepted.  We all need to feel valued and cherished.  It is my intent to note the "heart" of others, to keep in mind their perspective, to enjoy my life, embrace my happiness, and forget my sorrows. 

I stumbled across a list of advice the other day that melded with my inner most thoughts.  I couldn't help but record it here.  Without hesitation, I will keep it posted somewhere pertinent so that I might view it often.  

We should follow this wise advice and counsel and see what a difference it makes in our lives, in the live of others, in our communities, in our world. 

Enjoy. . .

 1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
 3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
 4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will.  So stay in touch.
 5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
 6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
 9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
 11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
 12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
 13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
 14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
 15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.
 16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
 17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
 18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
 19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
 21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
 22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
 23. Be eccentric now.. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
 24. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
 25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?".
26. Always choose life.
 27. Forgive everyone everything.
 28. What other people think of you is none of your business..
 29. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
 30. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
 31. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
 32. Believe in miracles.
 33. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
34. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
 35.. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
 36. Your children get only one childhood.
 37. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
38. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere..
 39. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
 40. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
 41. The best is yet to come.
 42. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
 43. Yield.
 44. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.    

-By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio

You Can Never Go Back

You Can Never Go Back

Why does the truth have to be so sad.  Why can we never go back.  All the way, to way back when. When we knew so much less and were blissfully ignorant.  I have grown and now realize that knowing is not always better.  You can never go back to the way you were.  Such a sad and heartbreaking thought.  Once those glasses are put on and things are in focus, you will forever see the tiny details and blemishes that you wish you were still ignorant of. You can try and pretend that they don't exist, but deep down you know that they do and you will forever remember it. Granted, in the future  it may not bother you in quite the same way it does in the beginning, but it will always be there, a dirty spot, forever stained into your fragile memory. Worse still, once you know of the blemish your perspective is forever changed, you are no longer ignorant of it's existence. You will forever know.  It changes who you are and it steals your innocence and joy out from under you.  All of who you are, who you were, has been violated, never to return to its former state, to its former glory.  You have no say in the matter. You never did.  No matter your heart or true intent you cannot alter the other's choice to create the blemish nor the moment you were unexpectedly forced to look upon it.  You can only dream about and remember when.  You can only morn what might have been.  You can never go back to what was.  It was taken from you and your course has been forever altered.  Who is to say where it will go.  It is beyond control.  The innocence is forever gone, replaced by sadness that will forever taint.  That realization brings pure pain, pure sorrow.  At least there are two; present, precious, pure, and unblemished, there hope lies that it may possibly someway, somehow be if not different, at least changed, at least better.  Yet, it is what it is.  The mourning continues, it will forever be apart of who you are.  It is now your lot to be haunted not only by the blemish but the memory of its prior absence. You must accept fate, must accept destiny, you will never be the same, You Can Never Go Back.   

Remember to savor what is lacking a blemish, cherish the fuzzy and unfocused view, because once the blemish appears and your view is altered it will never, can never, be returned to it's prior state.  Time may ease the pain, but it cannot erase the scar.

Fabulous Fall

Oh how we love fabulous fall. . . 

Our favorite time of year has come and is nearly gone!  We have crammed in countless family fun days and in retrospect are so glad we did.  I love making memories with my Best Buddy and our Little Women.  There have been so many simple and wonderful moments the last few months.  What a wonderful time of year!

And He Walked Right By

So an amazing and wonderful thing happened to me yesterday.  As a family we ran on a quick errand to our local Home Depot.  (We are making a PVC Pipe Skeleton for Halloween!) Anyhow, while there we decided to split up.  Hubby went one way while the midgets and I went another. 

After a few minutes of gathering the items on my list I decided to bunker down in one of the aisles.  I knew that staying in the same spot would prove much more beneficial than wandering aimlessly in search of my honey.  

Staying put turned out to be a smart move and within a few minutes I notice my husband walking by.  He on the other hand didn't appear to see us.  Needless to say I yelped his name and he turned with a surprised look on his face. 

Now here comes the fun part...

My best friend in the whole world, who has seen me at my best and worst, and loved me regardless looked at me and said "You have lost so much weight that when I glanced down this aisle I didn't realize I was looking at you."  

Oh joyous day!  

It is officially the little moments in life that make my heart smile.  Although, rarely do those little moments directly revolve around me and my physical appearance.  But, after two children and large amounts of weight gain as well as loss, it was nice to have my sweetheart unknowingly offer me such a wonderful compliment.  

And the moral of the story is... 

"There is nothing more sincere than an unintended compliment."  

Thanks Babe

You totally made my day!

 

Happy Birthday J

To: My Best Bud,

"You already know I love you, but I like you because..."

• You are one of a select few that can make me happy when I am sad.
  
• We have special secrets, like... "we are locked in the sally port," I know you know what I am talking about.
• Together we have learned to turn any argument into something we can laugh about.
• We do fun things together.
• When I eat half of the chocolate cake, you will sit down and eat the other half.
• With you there will always be, motorcycle rides in summer, pumpkin patches in fall, hot chocolate and donuts in winter, and beautiful tulips in spring.
• You never hesitate to dance with our Little Women.
• You don't get offended when I roll over in bed.  You understand that it is not personal; I just need to roll over.
• Your actions on a daily basis show me how much you love me.
• Even when you want to be selfish you still give me the ding-dong that was covered completely in tin foil and if I really want a sip of your Horchota you are always willing to share.  You always scratch my back even if you don't want to, and take your socks off and share them with me when my feet are cold.
• You have taught me to enjoy the little things, such as spending time together while our little ones sleep.
• You choose to spend your days with me.
• You are my sweetheart and although you are not perfect you are perfect for me!

J.J. 

I love you!

Happy Birthday,

"Sweet P"

Slow Down You Move Too Fast

My life needs to slow down, it is suddenly moving way too fast.  I cannot deny that I appreciate the crazy nature of a busy life.  When things are back to back, structured, and scheduled I tend to accomplish more than I would otherwise, but the last few months are out of control.  

Every day seems to be blending into the next in a manner that I find distinctly unattractive. How grateful I would be for just a little more time to breathe, sleep, and think.  Then again, if I took more time to breathe, sleep, and think I would be spending less time appreciating, loving and enjoying the precious people that make my world turn.  

I guess for now I will just have to keep up the crazy pace and take it one day at a time. 

Note to self-

Try to remember not only to notice the flowers, but make an effort to stop and smell them whenever possible.  

Now get off of this blog/journal, yada, yada and go do something that really needs to get done! Homework/cleaning/loving/caring/breathing/sleeping. . . 

 

Why Can't...

Why can't. . . my special mommy kiss make it all better?  

Why can't. . . I fix it and make it go away? 

Why can't. . . we trade places at least for a little while? 

Why can't. . . I do more than observe from the side? 

Rest little one, mommy loves you and

 I am sure you will feel better soon.

A Cherished Moment

My eldest Little Women started her last year of pre-school this week. 

  

I love her so much.  I love her hugs and kisses.  Her funny comments and her beautiful, vivacious and unique personality. I hope with all of my heart that she knows how much I adore her.  She is a special part of my life and I cherish every moment I spend with her.  

 

You "rev" my engine!

UHP Motorcycle Competition 

2009

I am so proud of my honey!

He loves what he does and loves how he does it!

Not many people can say they make this world a better place.

My sweetheart is willing to risk his life daily in order to make a difference.

J- You are my hero.  

I love you